I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
