I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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