I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
