Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
