I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So many bounce houses so little time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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