I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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