Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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