his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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