I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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