Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
