i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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