So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
