You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
