if i can run in heels then i can drive
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
