he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
