Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
