ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The Olympian is in my bed
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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