You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
