did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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