It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
