In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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