Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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