I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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