I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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