the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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