oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
