We're facebook friends in real life
where am i from again
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
