So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize