got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
