ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
