I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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