That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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