i permit you to call me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
