So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
