I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
