You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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