Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
