I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
