the day after is always just damage control
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
