Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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