if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.