We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You can't special order awesome
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept