Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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