Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Where you are. You must stay where you are are

  (631): View more from New York

  Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu

  (631): View more from New York

  Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!

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  (631): Where you are. You must stay where you are are (631): Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu (631): Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!! http://tfl.nu/6b8y
  Replies (12) Good night (1123) Bad night (654)
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  (710): View more from

  So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )

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  (710): So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : ) http://tfl.nu/fktm
  Replies (17) Good night (2906) Bad night (514)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

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  (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv
  Replies (92) Good night (28088) Bad night (1095)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10637) Bad night (927)
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  (347): View more from New York

  k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

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  (347): k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza http://tfl.nu/rg2w
  Replies (31) Good night (999) Bad night (5245)
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  (619): View more from California

  Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

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  (619): Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!" http://tfl.nu/5vjf
  Replies (35) Good night (5820) Bad night (8370)
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  (209): View more from California

  Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.

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  (209): Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid. http://tfl.nu/85w7
  Replies (8) Good night (2224) Bad night (579)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think they're German

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just say lederhosen and see what happens

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  (513): I think they're German (203): Just say lederhosen and see what happens http://tfl.nu/u5tp
  Replies (8) Good night (1494) Bad night (565)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.

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  (816): Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going. http://tfl.nu/sjn0
  Replies (11) Good night (2607) Bad night (829)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.

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  (307): Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf. http://tfl.nu/cifg
  Replies (4) Good night (957) Bad night (387)
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  (873): View more from

  I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in

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  (873): I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in http://tfl.nu/bvll
  Replies (3) Good night (1962) Bad night (385)
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  (510): View more from California

  This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.

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  (510): This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him. http://tfl.nu/bezf
  Replies (18) Good night (1771) Bad night (384)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.

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  (+44): Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process. http://tfl.nu/j8pd
  Replies (1) Good night (590) Bad night (265)
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  (408): View more from California

  My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine

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  (408): My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine http://tfl.nu/4len
  Replies (5) Good night (263) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.

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  (804): The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it. http://tfl.nu/wu4y
  Replies (1) Good night (329) Bad night (415)

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