you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That was an excessively violent trivia night
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon