I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?