your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
