On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was