google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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