Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
