Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
