you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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