I can't watch pbs sober anymore
someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
