I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize