their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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