that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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