can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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