a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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