my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
