The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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