I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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