I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.