Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.