I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.