There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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