That's when you crack a 10am beer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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