We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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