i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
