I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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