Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
