His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
