I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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