i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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